these days that without contact

Neigh… Neigh… It’s horse year now!! Happy chinese new year!! It is a common greeting that we will receive, the word “HAPPY”. I’m curious when people sent me that, are they really happy? Or they are asking me to be happy? and sometimes I feel awkward too when I greet people that way, hmm… I think is me think too much. It’s a happy festive for people to gather and celebrate, even you are in sorrow, please… stay strong awhile to enjoy this moment with everyone.

However when there is time being alone, I will think of what have happened few days ago, it kinda bad, but just jot down my feeling. Yea, we stop messaging about 3 days I think. Honestly, I damn unhappy that day when she scold me, maybe is my fault, but at least you let me know the reason. So I think maybe both of us need some time to reconsider, that’s why she didn’t find me, and as I do. This few days we didn’t chat, and see whether actually… I will miss her or not? The feeling was hardly to describe, I did miss her. I feel like she’s just surrounded me. For example:

I worked as a Tiger beer merchandiser at Giant Superstore mart,
surrounds me are a lot of foods for sure,
the moment when i saw some foods,
i will think of you.
The item that reminded me of you the most was
"Nature Valley Crunchy Biscuit",
and others such as Ribena, Munchy, Vochelle Chocolate......  

 

Yea, it was an unexpected lunch box by my friend mom.
"Box" reminded me again, the time when we passed food around to each other,
our "food box" !!
But you always said, you dislike give lai give qu,
but for sure, i never thought of that,
i just think that i want to share things with you,
maybe is just some simple foods, is what i have and the best i can gave,
is actually caring.

Cameron friend came and they said want to go Pub.
So i just followed. Girls are dancing around,
Boy and Girl are freely touching and even petting each other
if you dare to stand up on stage.
After some time i just walked out to breath fresh air
and get a silent place, i really miss you that time. 

I tried to wait for her reply, 3 days, and I think I know the answer. These few days when we were no chatting, i think a lot of things about us. Our personality, how we perceive life, our view of future…… Are we really suit each other?

I still remember the first few times I saw her, she really caught my attention. She always dressed sporty, that’s why I thought she is a kampong girl, but actually not, she even knows the world more than me in some sense. She likes to travel, do I like too? I’m asking myself, maybe since young, my family was not really capable to support me to travel here and there, so I really seldom travel. If travel also just within Malaysia. After I came to university, the people surrounded me was, talking about where to travel, I feel inferior at the first when you know, the girl who you like is live that way, but you’re not. But how, it is impossible to make a change in this short term,  3 to 5 years and even more. I think I am open minded enough, but when I said slap people is not good, but what she think slap is mean more of a relationship can be closer. If just play play slap is not a problem, but what I always remembered was, the day when I caused my friend to slap by teacher, and the teacher at my secondary who like to slap student harshly, I really feel like want to slap them back, they just not respect us as a student. This is why I say respect, but because I cannot play. Yea, I think our personality has a bit different, maybe she is from east and I am west, some more I’m educated at church since young, sure you can imagine how a Christian look like. And the most important was, I don’t know where am I going to now, my future I mean, before this I think I want to continue study until PhD, then become a lecturer, or I worked at church, but I know this kind of life couldn’t give a girl any great promised, so I have to be a business man? earn a lot money? That’s why, a man, can be no money but cannot don’t have a great ambeetion right. 

I continue to think, what is she in my life? Yea, people see me like to flirt, but you never know, there is limit to flirt a girl when you find the one you like! Being good with girl call flirt? But I never think more than friendship zone. Hehe… everything seems to be so wrong when I say this kind of thing when she is worrying of her examination.

Today I watched “500 days of summer”, the story line was really quite similar. At first we met, then we start become close, but we are confused, what’s our label of relationship (friend, good friend, admire, or couple) actually? At the end, they ended up didn’t see each other and the girl marry to another guys. What a sad ending!! Would this be our ending too? I really don’t know. 

“If Tom had learned anything... it was that you can't ascribe great cosmic significance to a simple earthly event. Coincidence, that's all anything ever is, nothing more than coincidence... Tom had finally learned, there are no miracles. There's no such thing as fate, nothing is meant to be. He knew, he was sure of it now.” ― 500 Days of Summer

btw... Tom missed Summer, but he found Autumn  <3>

New Year leh, dragon horse spirit mar, just prepared myself, you miss and lose too much eggplant!! Don't make the same mistake next time. Good Luck and All The Best.